Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
