Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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