Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
