Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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