She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
