no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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