just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
