Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
