I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
