five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
