I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
