Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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