I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
