my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dignity is for republicans.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
