My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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