he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
