remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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