Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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