i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
