what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
