My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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