I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
