I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
