If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
