four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This toilet bowl is my home.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
