What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
