I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
