You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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