i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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