Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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