i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
