I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
