You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fuck appropriateness.
my shit smells like andre
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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