does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
