I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
