all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
