I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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