I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
