worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sext me about skeletons
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize