There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
