your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
