dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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