Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize