What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
