everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
