your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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