I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
