Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
