i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
