You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
