So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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