Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
