as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
