laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
