she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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