ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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