i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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