I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
