sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
