so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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