Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
