I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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