I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
