Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
