Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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