not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
