69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
