Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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