I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
