the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
