Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
