My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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