this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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