i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
