The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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