Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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