I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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